Monday, February 3, 2014

Dir En Grey should Atmahatya - A satire in the heavy metal persona.

Let it not be said that cynics don't have a sense of humor, so all seriousness aside:

Today on Jamin' With Russ, we're going to revue the musical artists known as Dir En Grey.  But before we begin, it would seem fair for the audience to hear for themselves the subject matter we are discussing.  So as not to project any preconceived bias that could unduly influence your perception of the artists (with how absolutely horrible I think their music is).  Here's a link:

-link to sample-

A little dab-l-do-ya?..that's some potent stuff I know.  I tried not to overwhelm you with too much to soon, but you get the idea.  It does appear to be some attempt at rock-and-roll music, surprisingly discernible as a heavy metal genre.  But it unfortunately doesn't appear to be of very good quality.  To use a metaphor:  If it were an Italian pesto, the olive oil would be so rancid that it is not suitable to convert to bio-diesel, the anchovies were something that washed up on the west coast due to Fukushima radiation poisoning.

So here we have music that is so awful, its inspiring.  It moved me to set aside a portion of the day to meditate on why this seemingly professional production from overseas, is so awful.  The magnitude of how bad it is has caused me to question everything I believe and know.  I'm actually contemplating a change in my religion, to support the Antichrist in a One World Government.  Then they can pass a law where anyone involved with Dir En Grey, '...may never again perform rock-n-roll music anywhere in the world, for as long as they live, and any previous recording of their performance be obliterated from the face of the earth.'

Taking a wild guess I'm going to and say, 'I'm listening to the soundtrack of a Bollywood musical, where a Hindu farmer who's crop has failed decides to Atmahatya (commit suicide) by drinking an Agent Orange derived weed killer, but accidentally drinks an insecticide used to treat locust infestation. Instead of liquifying his internal organs, the agrochemical paralyses his central nervous system and ultimately gives him brain damage.  When he awakens from his coma, he believes he is a pregnant woman, much to dismay of his family!  After many failed attempts to appease his distraught family, he surmises to erroneously perform an abortion on himself.  Then finally, after recovering from the botched and wholly unnecessary procedure, the family decides to commit the man to an insane asylum.  He is released from the hospital only to be escorted to a padded cell in a straight-jacket.' -fade to black-

In conclusion:  There are just certain things that don't belong on this land mass called America, like an entirely undesirable and invasive species that crept aboard an old trading vessel, or an infested curry dish decomposing in a neglected trash container on the air-plane.  Not to be racist or nativist, I welcome all who come wanting to embrace our culture, but please keep much of that old world Afroeuropeanindochina crap to yourselves if you don't mind (to be fair Great Britain and Australia are islands, Japan is a musical paradox, and Germans merely empathetic).  See, all those still in the Old World have been conquered and consequently subdued at some point in history, while many Americans historically left before domestication fully set in.  That untamed essences, coupled with being smart enough to "...know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em..." is where rock-and-roll music actually comes from.  Bottom line, just leave it to The Americas to produce rock-n-roll music, because that older and greater land mass doesn't have a (insert rebellious epithet) clue.

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